This is probably one of the most asked-about topics on all backpacking forums and in travel content creators’ comments. How do you make friends at hostels? What if no one speaks to me at the hostel? But what if I don’t make any friends? It’s totally normal to be worried about not making friends. I’ve stayed in over 150 hostels, but still, sometimes I get that worrying feeling of “What if I don’t meet anyone at this next hostel?”. And to be quite real with you, there is a chance you won’t meet anyone. Or that you’ll meet people, but they won’t really be your vibe. And that’s totally fine; it happens to all of us.
If you want to make friends at hostels, these are my tried-and-true tips for making friends. If you’re following all of these tips and doing all of these things from experience, you’ve got about a 90% chance of making friends!
Tip 1: Choose the right hostel
Choosing the right hostel will be one of the biggest factors as to whether you make friends. There are different types of hostels; I have a full post explaining the differences here. If you’re the type of person who loves to party every night, staying at a party hostel will be an easy way to meet like-minded people. Similarly, if you live and breathe surfing, staying at a surf hostel, chances are you will meet other people who love surfing. Reading the reviews is super important to see what other people say about the hostels. Focus on reviews that talk about how easy it was to make friends and the general demographic of travellers there. For example, sometimes will write reviews commenting on the age of the hostel guests being mainly 18-20 year-olds. Now if you’re an older backpacker, maybe that’s not your vibe (or maybe it is, no judgement).
One of the most common questions I see on Tik Tok is, “How do I make friends when travelling”. Usually, the answer is “Just stay at social hostels”. But what is a social hostel? What makes a hostel a social hostel? How do you find social hostels? Social Hostel is a subjective term that travellers will use to describe a hostel where it was easy to make friends. This term is based on the travellers’ own experience, so there can be massive discrepancies between what one traveller thinks is a social hostel vs another traveller.
Here are some of the key things I look for in determining whether a hostel is a social hostel and whether I think I’ll be likely to make friends at this hostel (ranked in order of importance):
- They run events and activities like trivia nights, pub crawls, walking tours or family dinners
- Multiple good reviews talk about how easy it was to make friends there
- They have common areas and/ or a bar on site
- They are mentioned as a social hostel on travel blogs and Tik Toks. Or you know someone who has stayed here who says it was social
- They have a rating higher than 8/10 and at least 300 recent reviews
- Hostelworld indicates other travellers are staying for your dates (hard if you are looking months in advance as most people will book closer to the date of travel)
- They have breakfast included
Tip 2: Sign up for hostel events and activities
By far, one of the easiest ways to make friends at a hostel is to sign up for hostel events and activities. Good social hostels usually run activities like trivia nights, pub crawls, family dinners and walking tours. Participating in these events forces you to do things with other people staying at the hostel. And nothing bonds people more than losing at trivia or someone falling over on a walking tour.
One thing to be super mindful of is most hostels also book tours and other day trips for you. Sometimes these are activities run by the actual hostel only available to people staying at the hostel. Other times, these are just random third-party tours you can book online on sites like Viator. Booking a third-party tour through the hostel is not the same as participating in a hostel event. Third-party day tours won’t only have backpackers on them. Quite often, there will be families, couples on holiday or other tourists who just aren’t interested in making friends. Looking for more tips on how to find activities and experiences while travelling? Read my guide full of tips and tricks here.
Tip 3: Your vibe attracts your tribe
Please excuse the cliche Pinterest quote title, but it does really sum up the point. Even at social hostels, you have to be open to making friends to actually make friends. Let’s look at an example. Say you’ve just checked into a hostel and are keen to make friends. You head to the common area, and there are only two big tables. On the first table is a girl sitting by herself, drinking a coffee. She looks up at you, smiles and says hello. On the second table is a girl sitting by herself, looking down at her phone. She doesn’t look up at you, smile or even acknowledge that you’ve walked into the room. Who are you going to sit with if you want to make a friend? Chances are you answered the girl who smiled.
But do you know what? The girl sitting on her phone may be a solo traveller who wants to make friends too. That’s why she’s sitting in the common area, but she was nervous about being perceived as having no friends and sitting alone. So she got out her phone to distract herself. She saw you walk in but was too anxious to say smile or say hello, just in case you snubbed her. Whereas you just assumed she was sitting alone on her phone, wanting to be left alone. Maybe she was trying to sort out her visa for the next country and didn’t really want to chat. Unfortunately, though, if this girl wanted to make friends, she hurt her chances by coming across as busy and unapproachable.
Here are some tips for attracting friends at hostels:
- Smile at everyone! Maybe the girl you smile at in the corridor sees you later and comes over to make friends.
- Don’t be afraid to make small talk! Standing in a line for a shower, you could say, “I’m so sandy, I can’t wait for a shower”. The person next to you asks you what beach you went to, and bam, you’ve started a conversation and made a friend. You could be standing in line at the hostel bar and ask someone, “Do you know what the happy hour deal is?”. They answer, and you start a conversation about your favourite drinks and bam, you’ve made a friend.
- Always sit at the biggest table! If you’re chilling in a common area, don’t sit in the corner or at a small one-person table. If you sit at the biggest table, it leaves space for people to come and sit with you and chat.
Tip 4: Meal times are your friend
Hostels that offer free breakfast or include a family dinner are usually very easy places to make friends! Breakfast will only be served within specific hours, so you can be sure other people from the hostel will be in the breakfast area within those hours. Depending on how big the hostel is, they may only have a couple of tables, meaning you will have to sit down at a table with other people. From here, there are so many things you can make conversation about. Ask someone where they got the coffee from. Ask people what they recommend doing in whatever place you are in. Drop into the conversation that you plan on going to a really nice beach today. More often than not, someone on the table won’t have plans and will say, “Oh, that beach looks amazing. Can I come?”.
Family dinners are even easier than breakfast to make friends. Family dinners are usually either share plates in the middle of the table or even a full buffet where you serve yourself. Either way, they usually attract the majority of people from the hostel because they’re good value, convenient and social. You can easily strike up a conversation about the food. Ask someone if the Thai curry is good or whether it’s very spicy. Again, ask someone what they did today and if they would recommend it. You could literally talk about anything, and if someone is wanting to make friends, they’ll respond and keep the conversation going. Most family dinners I’ve had at hostels usually end in everyone from the table going out for drinks together or making plans to do something together the next day.
Tip 5: Meet your dormmates
Meeting your dormmates (the people in your room) is a great way to make friends. It can give you peace of mind knowing you’re not in a room of literal strangers. When you first enter your dorm (provided it’s not late at night or when everyone is sleeping), smile and say hello to everyone in the room. Most people will generally tell you their name and where they’re from. Usually, I ask people how long they’ve been in this destination or how they like the hostel. This is an easy opener, and you get good recommendations for things to do in the place you’re in. Sometimes they’ll tell you when the hostel bar gets busy or warn you about a snorer in the room. Nothing bonds people more than complaining at breakfast the next day about someone snoring!
If you’re already in the dorm room and somebody new checks in, say hello and introduce yourself. It can be daunting checking into a hostel where everyone has already been staying a few days and has made friends.
Tip 6: The blind approach
This is one of the most dreaded parts of solo travel, having to blindly approach people at a hostel and ask if you can join them. Chances are, you will have to do this at some stage, and it can’t be really awkward. It’s much less stressful to make friends with someone doing a hostel activity or when you’re seated at breakfast. Blindly walking up to a group or individual takes a bit of confidence, but you’ve got this!
Generally, if I have to blindly approach a group, I do a bit of a sweep of the room. You might be at the hostel bar, you’ve just gotten yourself a drink, and you need to decide who to sit with. If there’s only one big group of people, it makes things easier as you don’t have a choice of who to approach. If there are a couple of tables or different groups, how do you decide who you sit with? Generally, I try to sit with either someone sitting on their own (if they don’t look busy booking flights) or a mixed-gender group who don’t seem or sound like they’re from the same country. Why is that? I’ve been burned a few times with the blind approach (but the majority of times, I’ve been successful, so don’t let it deter you).
What’s the worst that can happen with the blind approach?
Well, you could approach a solo traveller and say, “Hey, mind if I join you?”. She responds by telling you she’s actually about to Facetime her boyfriend or she’s trying to sort out a visa, and that’s why she’s sitting on her own. That’s fine, let her know you’ll leave her to it, and if she wants to have a drink later, you’ll be around, then move to another table.
Maybe, you approach another table with the whole “mind if it join?”. It’s a table full of 20-year-old German guys who have been travelling together for a while. They let you join them but proceed to speak in German the whole time (which you don’t speak) and ignore your presence. That’s fine; say you’re going to the bar for another drink, buy another drink and then move to another table.
This last table you’ve done the whole “mind if I join?” approach with is a mixed group of solo travellers from different countries who met at the hostel bar the night before. Chances are, they will include you (being solo travellers themselves, they understand the struggle sometimes). Blindly approaching people can be daunting, but 70% of the time, people staying at hostels want to socialise and make friends and will try to include you. Unfortunately, some people (for a range of different reasons) may not want you to sit with them and may not care about making new friends because they’ve already met people. If this happens, don’t beat yourself up over it, it happens to everyone. Just move on and remember how lucky you are to be travelling and having these experiences, and know you will make friends in the future.
Tip 7: Grow your crew
If you’re travelling with someone or have already made friends at the hostel, why stop there? Speaking to and making friends with as many people as possible at hostels will only benefit you. The only time it won’t benefit you is if your social battery is running low. For tips on self-care and how to recharge your social battery, read my post here. You have more people to hang out with if your friend wants to have an early night. Also, you may meet other people travelling the same route as you who you will bump into again and again.
The other reason why you should try and grow your crew is that it’s nice to include new people. We’ve all been the person who checks in to the hostel and is worried about making friends. How nice would it be if someone approached you as a solo traveller and invited you to go to the beach with their group? So, why not that person who goes out of their way to meet new people checking into the hostel and inviting them to do things? If they say no or don’t seem keen, it’s so skin off your nose as you already have made friends. The majority of the time, though, they will come to hang out with you and be grateful that you approached them and made their experience of making friends at the hostel so much easier!
Tip 8: It’s okay to be alone
Sometimes you may do all the right things like booking social hostels, smiling at everyone, joining hostel activities and even blind-approaching groups, but you still do make friends. Or (and maybe even worse), you do find people, but they’re really not your vibe, and you end up just feeling lonelier. Sometimes even if you book a social hostel, it might be the rainy season, and the hostel is just dead. Maybe you’re just unlucky, and when you stay in the hostel, they inexplicably have a lot of big groups of friends who aren’t interested in making new friends. There is a chance that despite your best efforts, you won’t make friends. Sometimes it might even be a blessing in disguise as you can recharge your social battery. Maybe, it will force you to take a much-needed break from drinking every night at the hostel bar.
The other consequence of this happening is that it might teach you to become more comfortable in your own company. You might start to cherish the days when you walk around the city alone, exploring street art and museums and doing everything at your own pace. You may actually start enjoying taking yourself on a cute solo dinner date where you read a book or journal. Being alone and not making friends at a hostel are not the worst things. You’re still getting to experience a different part of the world and are so privileged to have an experience that other people could only dream of.
If you check in to a hostel and don’t make friends, chalk it up as an experience
The next hostel you check into, you might make more friends than you can remember names of and actually wish for the alone time you had when you stayed in a hostel and didn’t make friends. You may also not make friends on the first day of a hostel. But on the second day, someone new checks in, and you instantly become travel besties. Don’t let worry about making friends or feeling lonely in hostels get you down! There’s always a new day around the corner and a new opportunity to make friends. If it is really getting you down that you haven’t made friends at a hostel, change hostels or change cities. You’ve got the freedom to do whatever you want.
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